There seems to be a recent trend towards awkwardness, particularly amount young adults. I’m not sure I can be classified as a young adult anymore*, but I get the sense that I have a bit of a grasp on being awkward at times. Due to a number of reasons, the trendiness of an awkward demeanor grates on my nerves the same way attractive, popular woman do when they put on a pair of black frame glasses and then call themselves nerd**. It’s as though there is a belief among some people that if you put any amount of thought into absolutely anything, it makes you a nerd. It should be mentioned at this point that I will not venture into the nerd vs. geek argument here. There are plenty of places on the internet that welcome such discourse and this blog is certainly not one of them***.
I’m not going to try to convince you that I’m an awkward person, as a whole. When I’m at my best, I find that I can venture through life and social transactions without problems, and I even enjoy myself. However, when I’m going through a hard time in my personal life, I find interacting with other people to be quite the chore. I’m never more socially awesome than when I’m in the middle of a low point.
There are a number of small nuisances to existing that I tend to try and ignore when I’m not having a good time. For the past month or so, I have not been having a good time. I’m in a downswing of my mood.
Example 1: while buying pajama pants from popular plus size store
Her: do you have our rewards card?
Me: *tired, unshowered* um, no.
Her: Oh! Well, let me sign you up!
Me: No, thank you.
Her: It's completely free! I'll just sign you up!
Me: Does this wallet look like it needs more bullshit in it? Ha ha? (the "haha" was clearly to try and lighten the comment I'd just made)
Me: Sorry, I should have just reiterated "no, thank you"
Her: Do you mean you should have just repeated "no, thank you"?
I guess I just looked like a bitch, but I really can't handle baloney when I'm tired and stressed out. I'm so tired of all the useless noise that floats around. Companies track my spending and eating habits closer than I do, and I just don't understand the current attitude that privacy for privacy's sake isn't worth holding onto.
Example 2: bumping into my neighbour across the hall and his freaking dog, Milhouse, in the hallway. My neighbour and his GF are always yelling at Milhouse to "shut the fuck up****" because every noise in the building scares him.
Milhouse: Grrrrrrr...woof woof woof!
Him: Hey! Knock it off, that's your neighbour!
Me: *bends over to let dog sniff her hand* Aww, hi, Milhouse.
My brain: Oh, fuck!
Him: ...how do you know my dog's name?
Me: *dropping the nice neighbour act* Dude, everyone in the building knows your dog's name.
I'm sure at some points I'm just coming across as an awful human being, but I think I'm beginning to truly grasp something I never really understood. I don't really need people to like me to have an okay existence. I mean, some people yes, but some others...no, not at all.
I have a strange relationship with the boys downstairs from me. I always thought it was one sided, with me just laughing at them a little or getting annoyed at their habits (shower wars are still a thing in small apartment buildings). This past Sunday, I was puttering around the kitchen, washing dishes, making spaghetti sauce, when I hear:
Downstairs: OMG, PICK UP YOUR FEET!
Me: WTF? *nice and loud*
Me: *dance a stompy jig*
I had my slippers on, so I guess I was shuffling. A few days prior to this was a small water battle which resulted several facebook posts:
- The guy below me keeps saying "Holy Fuck" and then running the taps for a few seconds over and over. Should I be concerned?
- I've started responding by running my taps when he shuts his off. Not sure if he's onto me yet.
- "WTF???" HAHAHAHAHAHA
- Now I can't move because if I walk away, he'll hear my footsteps. Bring me a tea?
No one brought me that tea, by the way. In re-reading this post, I'm presuming it's because I'm turning into an asshole.
How will I sleep tonight? Like a damn baby.
*Lord knows I keep away from that section of the book store
**As in “I’m a total fashion/makeup nerd” or “I’m such a nerd for having so many dates all the time.” You're not fooling anyone, you gorgeous twat.
***my feelings towards these conversations usually involve the expression “rat’s ass.”
****Good thing he's not a parrot. OMG, now I wish he were a parrot!