Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Anxiety

I'm experiencing high amounts of anxiety at the moment.  For example, I'm actually dreading going to work today.  I'm really losing grip on a lot of things at work, and I'm expecting I'll be the center of a difficult conversation today.  The truth is, I'm being crushed under the weight of all the work, and it's causing me to make mistakes.  Last week, I worked enough overtime for two full lieu days.  We are bringing someone else in to help, which I'm grateful for, but that means that in a month or two, I'll be even further off track, training someone.  At the moment, I've got someone who asks to sit with me for a few hours every week, so they can job shadow me.  She's sat with me a lot, and I'm getting annoyed.  It doesn't feel like she wants to learn the job; she's interested in the job one step above me, and our boss told her she should be taking a look at my position.

My position doesn't get the respect it deserves.  Even people currently in my job are simply looking at it to launch themselves into a job higher up.  As a result, I'm the only constant in the position, and it needs attention to truly become what we need it to be.

I'm dreading going to work today.

Additionally, I had been chatting with a nice fellow through a dating site.  My last message to him was on Saturday morning, and I haven't heard back.  We've gone a couple of days between messages, but it's officially three now.  Also, he has time off right now and he might have gone home to see his parents.  I don't know.  I don't think I had a whole lot emotionally invested in him, but he seemed to be the only thing going right, and now he's AWOL.  I'm considering a last ditch effort of sending my phone number and telling him he can text if he likes.  I was all ready to send out that message yesterday afternoon, and then I just... didn't. Would it look desperate?  Part of me thinks it would just make me look interested, which for some reason in my mind is a horrid sin.

As you can read from the above, I've also concluded that I'll never really be ready to date, so I may as well just jump in.  Also, I'm tired.  Alright, 6am. Time to make coffee.

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